Take a deep breath... and take a chance.
_
I've tried to blog, unsuccessfully, before. I do ok for a couple weeks or months and then the blog is left to sit in the realms of the intangible interweb. However, I have a particular goal for the first part of my blog.
The bulk of my marriage–especially the first two-thirds of 2011–was, in a word, bad. Not that there weren't good moments and I don't have some fond memories, but what my husband became, how he treated me that all but killed my "muchness" ... I had to get out. And I did, taking our son mid-January of 2011 and separating until around Christmas time of the same year. Sparing the details that could easily bring you to tears, God worked in our lives to bring healing. However, there is still much healing to be done. My husband (I will call him "Bud" to protect his identity from those not in my social-circle) has done some changing in big ways, ways that take an immense amount of mental, emotional, and psychological energy and work. I've learned how to set boundaries and be a helpmate in our "unique" situation/marriage.
There are still struggles on his end, but what I want to dedicate this blog to are MY struggles, my thoughts, my reflections, and my healing. My focus will not be on other people (their flaws, superiority, etc.) but on personal growth in all aspects of life.
My first endeavor, though I am sure I will throw in posts unrelated to this overarching first challenge, will be to (secretly, ie, without Bud knowing, for as long as possible) work through the book "The Love Dare." (If you have seen the movie "Fireproof" you may be familiar with the book, as the book is based off of the movie's concept.) The book challenges a couple or even just one spouse to take 40 days showing LOVE to the other spouse. Each day discusses an aspect of love and then "dares" the couple/individual to complete a specific task that shows love to the other. I would encourage any and all married couples to pick up a copy or two (one for each of you) and work through it. I will chronicle my journey through the book and provide each day's verse and dare, but in an effort to protect anything that may be a copyright violation, I won't be posting the entire book ;)
So... My goal is to post about each day's dare and reflect on it. I have already begun, but this gives me time to reflect on each day. I hope that this might encourage couples who have a good marriage, great marriage, struggling marriage, dying marriage, etc. Love is not just a feeling, but an action.
I want to encourage young couples especially. There is a stigma–and, statistically speaking, it holds true–that people who marry young (like 18-ish) won't have a lasting marriage. Well, I got married at 18. And, last year, I thought that we would be another statistic. But, let me tell you, marriage isn't about giving up. It is about donning some serious spiritual armor and fighting Satan and the World head-on.
So, with my sword and shield, I am fighting. Not for "movie" love, but for agape love. (We'll get to that ;).)
NOTE: I want to make it very clear that abuse in any form IS NOT OK! GET OUT! Yes, it IS possible for an abuser to heal, to change. BUT DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT stick around during this time. TELL SOMEONE-GET TO A SAFE PLACE. (Click the link to evaluate if you are in an abusive relationship.) The statistics for someone who is an abuser to change say that less than 3 percent do change, and those who do change only do with serious help–therapy, etc.
I've tried to blog, unsuccessfully, before. I do ok for a couple weeks or months and then the blog is left to sit in the realms of the intangible interweb. However, I have a particular goal for the first part of my blog.
The bulk of my marriage–especially the first two-thirds of 2011–was, in a word, bad. Not that there weren't good moments and I don't have some fond memories, but what my husband became, how he treated me that all but killed my "muchness" ... I had to get out. And I did, taking our son mid-January of 2011 and separating until around Christmas time of the same year. Sparing the details that could easily bring you to tears, God worked in our lives to bring healing. However, there is still much healing to be done. My husband (I will call him "Bud" to protect his identity from those not in my social-circle) has done some changing in big ways, ways that take an immense amount of mental, emotional, and psychological energy and work. I've learned how to set boundaries and be a helpmate in our "unique" situation/marriage.
There are still struggles on his end, but what I want to dedicate this blog to are MY struggles, my thoughts, my reflections, and my healing. My focus will not be on other people (their flaws, superiority, etc.) but on personal growth in all aspects of life.
My first endeavor, though I am sure I will throw in posts unrelated to this overarching first challenge, will be to (secretly, ie, without Bud knowing, for as long as possible) work through the book "The Love Dare." (If you have seen the movie "Fireproof" you may be familiar with the book, as the book is based off of the movie's concept.) The book challenges a couple or even just one spouse to take 40 days showing LOVE to the other spouse. Each day discusses an aspect of love and then "dares" the couple/individual to complete a specific task that shows love to the other. I would encourage any and all married couples to pick up a copy or two (one for each of you) and work through it. I will chronicle my journey through the book and provide each day's verse and dare, but in an effort to protect anything that may be a copyright violation, I won't be posting the entire book ;)
So... My goal is to post about each day's dare and reflect on it. I have already begun, but this gives me time to reflect on each day. I hope that this might encourage couples who have a good marriage, great marriage, struggling marriage, dying marriage, etc. Love is not just a feeling, but an action.
I want to encourage young couples especially. There is a stigma–and, statistically speaking, it holds true–that people who marry young (like 18-ish) won't have a lasting marriage. Well, I got married at 18. And, last year, I thought that we would be another statistic. But, let me tell you, marriage isn't about giving up. It is about donning some serious spiritual armor and fighting Satan and the World head-on.
So, with my sword and shield, I am fighting. Not for "movie" love, but for agape love. (We'll get to that ;).)
NOTE: I want to make it very clear that abuse in any form IS NOT OK! GET OUT! Yes, it IS possible for an abuser to heal, to change. BUT DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT stick around during this time. TELL SOMEONE-GET TO A SAFE PLACE. (Click the link to evaluate if you are in an abusive relationship.) The statistics for someone who is an abuser to change say that less than 3 percent do change, and those who do change only do with serious help–therapy, etc.